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  Say Yes

  LK Shaw

  What people are saying about…

  SAY YES

  “This love story absolutely stole my heart.”

  “L.K. Shaw wrote a wonderful romance that makes your insides fuzzy.”

  “What a beautiful story. I loved it! A must read.”

  “A wonderful story of learning to love!”

  "A story about how bravery and trust can heal a wounded soul.” - author Lyz Kelley

  “This best friends to lovers story will take you on a journey of overcoming fears and finding control. Great read.” - author TL Mayhew

  Say Yes (c) 2018 by LK Shaw

  Cover design (c) 2018 by Mayhem Cover Creations

  All rights reserved. No part of this work may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without permission, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

  This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents are either products of the author’s imagination or used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events, locales, or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.

  No part of this publication can be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, without permission in writing from Author. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each reader. If you are reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then, technically, you have stolen it and/ or pirated it and are a despicable human being. Return to an eBook retailer and purchase your own copy.

  Available in eBook and print editions

  Created with Vellum

  Contents

  What people are saying about…

  Chapter 1

  Chapter 2

  Chapter 3

  Chapter 4

  Chapter 5

  Chapter 6

  Chapter 7

  Chapter 8

  Chapter 9

  Chapter 10

  Chapter 11

  Chapter 12

  Chapter 13

  Chapter 14

  Chapter 15

  Chapter 16

  Chapter 17

  Chapter 18

  Chapter 19

  Epilogue

  Acknowledgments

  Secrets of Redemption

  Chapter 1

  Also by LK Shaw

  About the Author

  1

  CASEY

  Philip Maxwell was the person I trusted most. He’d been in my life for over two years, ever since the broken shell of me had been rescued from my father’s house. In fact, he’d become my best friend. See, trust wasn’t something that came easy for me. You had to work damn hard to earn it, and even then, there wasn’t a guarantee you’d get it. I still had the occasional nightmare or panic attack when the memories of my childhood snuck up on me. Thankfully, with the help of not only a dedicated and caring therapist, but an amazing support system in the form of my sister, her husband, and Philip, they were few and far between.

  Even so, I wanted the memories gone. And the only way I could think to get rid of them was to replace them with new ones, good ones. Memories that weren’t tainted by fear, guilt, and self-loathing. Because I lived with all three. Fear inspired by my now-dead father who had threatened to kill my sister if I wasn’t a dutiful daughter. Guilt because my sister still blames herself for not seeing it sooner. Self-loathing because I didn’t try harder to stop it from happening.

  I knew it was irrational, but the thoughts still festered inside me. Their claws were dug so deep into my viscera, as though setting up permanent residence, and they had no intention of letting go any time soon. I needed to find a way to make them. To banish them so far down into the bowels of hell there wasn’t a chance of them ever seeing the light of day again.

  I didn’t expect it would be easy, but I was tired of battling my demons. It was time for me to take control. I knew I couldn’t do it alone. I needed help, and the only person I trusted to help me was Philip. Now, it was just a matter of convincing him, of getting him to say yes. Not that I really believed praying would help, but I sent up a quick one anyway when I heard his truck pull into my driveway.

  After a single knock, Philip stepped through the door. He was stocky, but still resembled a Norse god with his thick beard and long, light brown hair. He was also built like a warrior with thick muscles straining against his gray Henley and tight, dark-wash jeans as he held two paper bags in one arm. When I first met him, he’d scared the crap out of me, even though he’d taken every concerted effort to keep his distance and put me at ease. Each time I talked to my sister, she told me to give him a break, that he was trustworthy. Eventually, his easy-going manner helped me relax.

  “Hey, you!” He smiled widely when he saw me. “I have your groceries.”

  I followed him into the kitchen. “Thank you, Philip. I know it’s probably a hassle for you to keep doing this.”

  When I’d first been brought to this house, we didn’t know if it was safe for me to leave, considering the line of work my father was in. I’d been given a protective detail, one that included Philip. In addition to checking on security, he kept my refrigerator stocked each time he came over. It had become a habit. One so engrained that, in the ensuing two years, I’d become slightly agoraphobic. Everyone enabled my disorder, and I let them. Which meant that Philip continued to stop by three days a week to drop off groceries and to check the security of the house, not that the latter was necessary anymore.

  He set the bags on the counter and looked over at me. “I’ve told you a hundred times I don’t mind doing it, so stop worrying.”

  Even though it was childish, I stuck my tongue out at him. “I’m not worrying about it. I’m just saying…thank you.”

  “Then stop at thank you next time.”

  “Whatever. Here, let me help.”

  While he emptied the first bag, I reached into the second and began pulling out the few items inside.

  “They had your favorite ice cream in stock finally. Everyone else in Pinegrove must like it as well since I can rarely find it. I bought the last three pints they had on the shelves.”

  “Oh my gosh, you are a life saver. I know I shouldn’t eat it, but it’s so good.” I almost moaned the last word.

  Philip turned fully toward me, and just like that, the air thickened with an awkwardness I couldn’t quite identify. My skin tightened as his eyes traced a path from my head to my toes and back again. I’d always been small in stature, but my curves had filled out since my father’s death, and I was no longer under his control.

  I awkwardly cleared my throat as I went back to my task of putting things away. “So, um, how’s work going?”

  I finished stowing the rest of the groceries while he talked.

  “It’s going. I didn’t have to throw anyone out or break up any fights.”

  I faced him as I leaned back against the counter. “You seriously have to work at the tamest club in the city. How come you never have any good stories to tell me about how you had to crack some heads of drunk college boys or pull apart two girls with their claws out? You know I try to live vicariously through you, Philip.”

  “I can’t help it if they take one look at this body and realize getting in a fight isn’t worth going toe-to-toe with me.” He mockingly flexed his biceps, posing this way and that as though he were in a bodybuilding competition.

  I giggled at his ridiculousness even as I shifted uncomfortably with unexpected arousal. I ignored the sensation. Knowing it was now or never, I took a deep breath and braced myself.

  “Come on, let’s go in the living room for a minute and talk.” My tone was serious and business-like.

  Philip shot me a concerned look,
but followed me into the next room. I settled on the couch and patted the cushion next to me. “Sit.”

  Still looking wary, he cautiously sat down. I shifted and curled my leg underneath me so I now faced him. Unconsciously, he mirrored my position.

  “You have this look on your face.”

  “What look?” I asked, trying to appear innocent.

  “One that says you’re about to ask me something I’m not going to like. Okay, Casey, spill it.”

  “Fine,” I huffed out on a breath of air. “I’ve been doing a lot of thinking. About my past. And about my future. Now, just hear me out before you say anything, please. Here’s the thing. I’m twenty-four years old, and I feel like life is passing me by. I’m stuck in this house, and I don’t want to be. I want to be free. I just don’t know how. I want to purge all this messed up stuff inside my head. Create new memories so I can forge a different path than the one I’m currently on. I want to learn to love. I want to get married. Maybe even have babies. I want to grab life by the balls and actually live. I need someone to teach me. I need you to teach me, Philip.”

  2

  PHILIP

  My mind went into overdrive trying to process the last ten minutes. Because there was no way in hell that Casey Santiago just told me she wanted me to have sex with her. At least that’s how my brain interpreted what I’d just heard, and I almost prayed I was wrong. Even as that tiny voice whispered it hoped I was right. She sat there looking determined, nervous, a tad hopeful even, and always beautiful. The sunlight streamed through the living room window, shining brightly on her dark brown hair, emphasizing the natural caramel highlights scattered through it. Adorable freckles dotted her nose, and her azure colored eyes sparkled beneath long lashes.

  She’d drastically changed from that sallow-faced, frail, timid young woman I first spied two years ago. She’d been terrified and huddled so tightly against the arm of this same couch as though she wanted to disappear inside it. Back then, she’d been leery of me and any other man within spitting distance. Which, given her history, was completely understandable. Now, her eyes had lost their haunted look, although I knew the demons still visited her at times. Occasionally, I’d catch a fleeting expression of fear, but she always quickly chased it away. She refused to let it control her.

  “So, are you ever going to say anything or just keep staring at me in abject horror?” Casey’s voice bordered on irritation.

  “I’m trying to compute what you just said. I’m a man, remember; I need a few extra minutes. My brain doesn’t work as fast as yours.”

  Casey snorted at that and lightly smacked my thigh. She crossed her arms and tapped her foot. “How long does it usually take for you to decide if you’re going to have sex with a woman or not?”

  I choked on my own spit. Shit, I hadn’t been wrong. “Jesus.”

  She shrugged. “What? I’m just ripping the Band-Aid off. Trying to make it less painful for both of us, I guess.”

  “Yeah, well try not to pull the arm hairs when you rip it off next time, will ya? Although, I pray there isn’t going to be a next time.”

  “Stop making jokes, Philip. I’m serious here.”

  “I know you are, and that’s what scares the shit out of me.”

  This woman was going to be the death of me.

  “I’m not that scary.”

  “Honey, if you only knew how terrifying you truly are.”

  “You’re avoiding the question.” Casey frowned at me.

  My breath huffed out. “Do you understand the magnitude of what you’re asking me to do? What you’re asking me is not something I can give you an immediate decision on. There are consequences that need to be considered here.”

  Her forehead scrunched in confusion, and her eyes narrowed. “What do you mean…consequences?”

  This wasn’t an insult by any means, but God, she was so naive. Almost juvenile in her outlook on life sometimes. I blamed it on her upbringing.

  “Have you considered what this could do to our friendship? Sex complicates things. It changes the dynamic between two people. What happens if one of us falls in love with the other, but the other person doesn’t feel the same way? Do you know how devastating that would be?”

  She slumped down into her seat, dejection clear on her face. She propped her elbow on the back of the couch and rested her temple on her closed fist, letting out a dramatic sigh.

  “Oh, I guess I didn’t really think of that.”

  She quickly perked up, a big grin spreading across her face. “What if I promise not to fall in love with you?”

  I couldn’t help but smile a little sadly as I reached out to cup her jaw. I rubbed my thumb across her cheek as I asked softly, “What happens if I fall in love with you?”

  The atmosphere between us after my open-ended question was fraught with tension and an awkwardness that hadn’t been present in our friendship since the beginning. I didn’t wait for her to respond before I rose from the couch.

  “I’m going to head outside and check on things.” I shifted nervously, something I’d never been around her. Patient, compassionate, quiet, yes. But never nervous.

  “You know you don’t need to do that anymore.”

  “I know I don’t, but it makes me feel better.” With that, I headed outside. I’d just checked the last camera in the backyard when the door opened, and Casey stepped out.

  “Everything okay?” I asked in surprise since she’d always stayed inside while I worked.

  “I wanted to see what you did out here. After all this time, I still really don’t know. I was also hoping you’d tell me why you still check security for a house that doesn’t need it. None of my father’s former associates care about me.” She sat on the single wooden deck step and propped her chin on her hands.

  It was best that I humored her, because I knew she wasn’t going to drop the subject. “I check to make sure all the cameras are online and that all the motion detection lights work. I also check the doors and windows to make sure they’re locked and the seal is tight. As unnecessary as it seems, I still do it because I want to. Because it gives me an excuse to continue coming over here to see my friend.”

  “Oh.” She sat up a little taller and smiled shyly.

  “C’mon, let’s go back inside. I’m finished.”

  Neither of us brought the previous topic of discussion back up. Later on, I said my goodbyes and headed home. I needed to make a quick detour first.

  After parking my blue, extended cab pick-up truck in the driveway, I grabbed the box off the seat next to me. It was wrapped in paper a nauseating shade of pink, the color of Pepto Bismol, with a giant, white ribbon and a ridiculous amount of tight spiral curled tendrils falling over the side. I tipped my head in greeting at the neighbor out watering her lawn, but didn’t engage in any conversation. When I reached the door, I let myself in.

  The scent of freshly-baked cookies teased my nose, and the laughter of young girls filled the air. The sound of running footsteps grew louder, and I braced myself against the impact as suddenly, fifty pounds of energy barreled into me, spindly arms wrapping around my waist.

  “Uncle Philip! Uncle Philip!” The little spider monkey hollered as she crawled up my body before latching on to my neck, her legs winding tightly around me. “Is that my birthday present?”

  I barked out a laugh at my incorrigible eight-year old niece as she looked up at me, innocently batting her eye lashes. Heavier footsteps quickly followed.

  “Pippa, let Uncle Philip at least get the door shut before you start harassing him,” my sister, Clarissa scolded, her arms folded across her chest as she leaned against the hall wall.

  Pippa bussed a kiss across my cheek as I set her on her feet.

  “Happy birthday,” I told her as I handed over the gift. She squealed and jumped up and down, clapping her hands in glee. She took the box from me and raced down the hallway, screeching out a “thank you, Uncle Philip” over her shoulder. Then I heard her yelling, “I got another
present to open”.

  Clarissa kissed my cheek in the same spot Pippa had.

  “Thank you for bringing her gift over, Philip. You didn’t have to. We could have picked it up this weekend.”

  We headed into the family room, and while Clarissa settled on the chaise sectional, I dropped into the brown, leather recliner. “It’s no big deal. I was out and about anyway. Besides, I wouldn’t dare to not stop by to wish Princess Pippa a happy birthday.”

  My sister laughed. “She certainly acts like she’s a princess some days. So, how are things?”

  I studied her for a minute. Clarissa and I had similar coloring with our light brown hair, broad nose, and sharp cheekbones. I noticed the dark circles under her eyes and the new tension lines around them.

  “About the same. I have two tickets to a Nationals game in a couple weeks, if you want to see if Larry will watch the kids so you can go with me.”

  Clarissa winced and shifted uncomfortably. “I don’t think that’s a good idea right now.”

  I tensed at her words. “Why not? What’s going on? Is everything okay between you guys?”

  “We’re just —” she paused, measuring her words— “trying to work through some things. It’s nothing for you to worry about. It’ll be fine. So, how’s Casey doing?”

  Her smile was weak, and I wasn’t sure if she was trying to convince me or herself. But, I knew how stubborn my sister was, so I didn’t want to push too much or she’d go on the defensive. I let the topic go. For today at least.